#metoo #whatisnext


#metoo #breakthesilence #solutions #whatisnext, social media is intense right now so now what is next with sexual trauma????

I added my #metoo because I have had multiple experiences of sexual trauma that land on in all parts of the spectrum to my FB page but felt really weird about it. I was going to change my picture blackout, but that didn’t right, so I didn’t.

I have witnessed the reactions of those women I care about express anger, sadness, support, love, care, rage, victimize themselves, empower themselves and all the rest.

I have witnessed the men in my life feel shamed, sad, angry and start to speak up about how confusing this was for them. I have witnessed some courageous men own that part of them and apologize. I witnessed men talk about how they have experienced the same, and so they felt like they didn't know how to respond to this because they have been longing for support and healing too. I witnessed men ask how they can be apart of the change.

Which for me was more moving than watching all the #metoo hashtags pop up on my feed over the past months.

Maybe that is because I am very well aware of the statistics and I work with women in trauma, so I know that most all women have experienced this. I hear their stories almost daily and work on creating growth and healing. Sharing our stories is powerful medicine. My heart did go out to all of those women.

BUT, again I was asked myself what next and I also knew the men needed help and support too. How can we change rape culture if we do not support and help the men that are creating it or being raised to be ok with it or who are being raped themselves.

Yes, I agree the first step is bringing awareness and giving voice to those who have not felt safe to speak up. The days after the #metoo movement the posts were mostly gone and FB was once again filled with false media, people pretending to be living the best life ever without sharing their day to day highs and LOWS, and I thought well is that it? One or Two days and that is it?

Then some other famous person gets accused or accuses someone of sexual trauma and the social media world goes crazy again.

Are you still thinking about how we can create real change around this?

1 in 3 women has experienced some sort of sexual trauma, harassment or abuse. 1 in 6 men has experienced the same. That is half the amount of women, YET sexual trauma touches everyone, not just the person it was directed at. It touches their loved ones, family, friends, co-workers, community and so on.

Let's look at the bigger picture here. This is not just about women. This is about our culture. I see more and more men hurting and getting left behind as we women heal our wounds. The healing of the feminine cannot rise without the healing of the masculine.

If you want to look at this from the women being the victim, why would a man act this way to a woman in the first place? What happened to him? What abuse or trauma has hurt him so much that he can not respect women? How was he raised and by whom?

These are not excuses; this is how we get to the root of the problem. In all the training I have, we never look at the behavior as the problem, we look at why the behavior is there and what is the cause of it.

So instead of ranting, I ask WHAT IS THE SOLUTION?

I want to see all genders being supported here.

Our culture's ideas about sexuality are SO convoluted. Most of the population doesn't know what healthy sexuality is or how to flirt in a respectful way or how to hold sexual energy in our bodies without needing to use it or how to hold our bodies as sacred that you have a choice over.

Heck! We don't even know how to flirt or give a compliment in a way that respects the other person.



So let's speak up and say yes this is enough and for those of us not suffering we can offer a solution.

I work with women in trauma, and the majority of that trauma is of this very nature of what everyone has been so openly talking about.

I am only one female-identified person, this is one opinion, and it is an opinion who has experience all of the subcategories: abuse, rape, harassment, trauma. Here is a solution.

Here is my solution:

We need to support our women or men who are still feeling challenged by these horrible experiences. Help them find the support they need so they don't feel like a victim anymore and can move on in their lives feeling safe and empowered.

We need to educate and support our men and women to make the change. The easiest place to do that is with our little boys and girls. Raise them to know the difference and treat others with respect.

What are your solutions?

I am here because I feel called to help women heal from trauma and that is how I am making a difference out there. I start my healing my own trauma! I also love having conversations with men about this very topic and bring it up regularly with my husband and his friends.

If you would like more support as a woman I am offering a course that starts every spring, Resilient Women. I made it very accessible because I want to help as many as I can. If you are still hurting and struggling from past sexual trauma, know that there is a lot of help and support out there whether that be with me or someone else.

I am sending my love out to all of those who have been hurt in this way.


Kelsey Lawford